Feelin' a little maudelin today...

Just one of those days when it hits you how much you seem to run and run, and yet never reach your destination. Ever feel like if you could just turn the dial back to "this" [insert your date] year to change those one or two decisions maybe everything would be different?

I consider us a "normal" middle-class family for our area. Things ARE tight, but then they are tight for most people. The bankruptcy last year didn't help as much as it seems it should have - especially with all my extra medical bills which we didn't have before. I mean jeez - just my meds cost $110 a month without any acetimenifin (sp?) or dr appt copays added. I used to see my dr 4 times a YEAR... I have had no less than 3 dr appts a MONTH for 4.5 months now...

We got a letter last night informing us that Micaila was nominated as a recipient for a charity program for xmas... It kind of offends me in that I was planning to try to have the kids participate in one of those programs by buying a needy child a gift, and now I'm being told they ARE the needy ones. And yet, we don't qualify for any monitary assistance for heating bills over the winter because we make too much money according to NYS. Does that make sense in a logical, everyday-life-kind-of-way? Nope, but I'm sure there is some politician somewhere making 10 times what I do in a year and getting tax breaks who can explain EXACTLY how it does to the government.

The thing is, I know realistically we should have more because Mike and I should have saved more when it was just the two of us making really good money before the move back upstate, before 8 months of no jobs, before kids... But, hell, we were young, and we bought what we wanted, when we wanted it 'cause the future with family and big bills was an abstract idea. It's been six years since the move, and it feels like I'm still spinning my wheels on black ice 'cause I don't SEE where the issue is...

Anyway, enough of the whining... just needed to get that off my chest.

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